It Is What It Is

I think I may have mentioned that long before the Secret Keeper got sick he was an incredible father. Engaged and loving, he worked hard at doing the right thing with our kids. He played games, told stories, said prayers, attended all sporting events, brushed their teeth, soothed their tears, etc, etc, etc. Basically, he was pretty amazing.

That was a long time ago and now he is trouble. Big trouble. How I ache for my kids to have had this wonderful dad and now are forced to think about his health, mental and physical, living arrangements, and now, court dates. The two boys know a little of what happened but they don't ask questions so I don't bring it up. I am sure the distance makes that easier. My oldest is doing some incredible self care which means she involves herself when it is healthy for her to do so. My youngest is walking a path of self discovery and learning boundaries. It is a intricate dance that may be years of learning and, most probably, pain.

I know little of the legal system except the basics. Did you know that when you get picked up for something rather big, it comes with a big bill....a really big bill? I had no idea. And some of those who cannot afford it can do community service (that is if they are physically able).

This man's situation keeps going from bad to worse. I cannot help but feel responsible and the feeling of guilt sucks.

The Boy Scout is supportive and loving. It helps that I do not have to hide these feelings I have about the Secret Keeper. It helps that I have someone who has a tremendous amount of compassion for the situation to bounce my ever changing emotions off of. It also helps to write it down.